Quote of the Day (2014-01-31)

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

Brian: Now, f*** off!

[silence]

Arthur: How shall we f*** off, O Lord?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2014-01-30)

This one goes to 11.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2014-01-29)

Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking.

Source: As Good As It Gets

Quote of the Day (2014-01-28)

Sir Humphrey: "So we trust you to make sure that your Minister does nothing incisive or divisive over the next few weeks."

Sir Arnold: "Avoids anything controversial."

Sir Humphrey: "Expresses no firm opinion about anything at all. Now, is that quite clear?"

Bernard Woolley: "Yes, well, I think that is probably what he was planning to do anyway."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2014-01-27)

Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!

[they all stab themselves]

Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2014-01-26)

My cross country coach said I have the heart of a champion and the legs of a spectator.

Source: The Middle

Quote of the Day (2014-01-25)

Lee: Hi, can I get Holly Golightly's room please?

Danny: Who's that?

Lee: It's Gwen's code name, it's from Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Danny: Oh, what's that?

Lee: It's a movie, a great movie, Hepburn.

Danny: Right, Katherine.

Lee: Do me a favor, don't tell anyone you're in the movies.

Source: America's Sweethearts

Quote of the Day (2014-01-24)

Alicia: There's nothing like a love song to give you a good laugh.

Source: Notorious

Quote of the Day (2014-01-23)

Once had love, and it was divine.

Soon turned out, I was losing my mind.

Source: Blondie

Quote of the Day (2014-01-22)

Listen, lad. I've built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. The king said I was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. An' that's what your gonna get, lad -- the strongest castle in these islands.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-01-21)

Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Count Rugen: Stop saying that!

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2014-01-20)

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2014-01-19)

[C.D. is helping Chris with his first letter to Roxanne]

C.D. Bales: Let's take a look at that letter...

Chris McConnell: I think it's really good!

C.D. Bales: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to have a drink sometime? If you do, check this box."

Source: Roxanne

Quote of the Day (2014-01-18)

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-01-17)

Charles: How do you do, my name is Charles.

Old man: Don't be ridiculous, Charles died 20 years ago!

Charles: Must be a different Charles, I think.

Old man: Are you telling me I don't know my own brother!

Charles: No, no.

Source: Four Weddings And A Funeral

Quote of the Day (2014-01-16)

Rose Schwartz: Actors don't like to play coma. They feel it limits their range.

Source: Soapdish

Quote of the Day (2014-01-15)

This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-01-14)

Harry: [after he has run into his ex-wife] She looked weird didn't she? She looked really weird.

Sally: I don't know, I've never seen her before.

Harry: Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water.

Sally: Harry.

Harry: Believe me, the woman saved everything.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2014-01-13)

Jim Hacker: "So they insult me and then expect me to give them more money?"

Sir Humphrey: "Yes, I must say it's a rather undignified posture. But it is what artists always do: crawling towards the government on their knees, shaking their fists."

Jim Hacker: "Beating me over the head with their begging bowls."

Bernard Woolley: "Oh, I am sorry to be pedantic, Prime Minister, but they can't beat you over the head if they're on their knees. Unless of course they've got very long arms.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2014-01-12)

Marge: Bart, would you like to say grace?

Bart: Yesum!

[Bart says grace in Latin]

Homer: What the hell was that?

Lisa: Bart's speaking Latin, the language of Plutarc.

Homer: [Homer looks blankly] Micky Mouse's dog?

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2014-01-11)

[Derek Smalls sets off a metal detector at the airport]

Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?

Derek Smalls: Er, not really.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2014-01-10)

George: "You have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world then George Costanza as you know him ceases to exist. You see, right now I have Relationship George. But there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with... Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George."

Jerry: "I love that George."

George: "Me too, and he's dying. If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2014-01-09)

Macaulay Connor: Uh-oh, Liz, what did I tell you? Look, how do you like this - living room, sitting room, terrace, pool, stables.

Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: That's probably so they can talk to the horses without having them in the house.

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2014-01-08)

Joey Naylor: Dad, why is the American government the best government?

Nick Naylor: Because of our endless appeals system.

Source: Thank You For Smoking

Quote of the Day (2014-01-07)

Lisa Simpson: Dad, look!

[holds TV up]

Homer Simpson: Television! Teacher, mother...

Homer Simpson: [lustily] ... secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading - rising! Fading... fading... gone.

[Family sighs]

Homer Simpson: Come, family. sit in the snow with daddy and let us all bask in TV's warm glowing warming glow.

[Hours later, everyone is frozen]

man introducing Tony Awards: [on TV] Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards, with your hosts Tyne Daly and Hal Linden!

Bart Simpson: [With difficulty] Homer... change channel.

Homer Simpson: Can't! frozen!

[music on TV: "One chorus line of people...ô?]

Homer Simpson: [Family screams]

Homer Simpson: Urge to kill... rising...

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2014-01-06)

Jim Hacker: "Obviously the Home Secretary will have to resign."

Sir Humphrey: "Alas, yes."

Jim Hacker: "What on earth will happen to him?"

Sir Humphrey: "Well, I gather he was as drunk as a lord, so after a discrete interval they will probably make him one."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2014-01-05)

Sir Humphrey: "Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least the last 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now when it's worked so well?"

Jim Hacker: "That's all ancient history, surely."

Sir Humphrey: "Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing [the EEC] up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn't work. Now that we're inside we can make a complete pig's breakfast of the whole thing: set the Germans against the French, the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch. The Foreign Office is terribly pleased, it's just like old times."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2014-01-04)

Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry.

Marge Simpson: You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2014-01-03)

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours!

HERBERT: What, the curtains?

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2014-01-02)

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?

Narrator: So you can breath.

Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.

Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2014-01-01)

Bernard Woolley (on the phone): "Yes, we will want simultaneous translators. ... No, not when the PM meets the leaders of the English speaking nations. ... Yes, the English speaking nations can be said to include the United States. With a certain generosity of spirit."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister